CAN WE TURN AN 'OFF' DAY 'ON'?

We are exhorted by personal development professionals, including me, to have a positive outlook, to remain optimistic, and to eradicate negative thinking. But let’s face it, these are tough economic times and there can be days when we struggle a bit, when we feel out of sorts, under pressure, or when we are just having a low energy day.

So what can we do? Do we write off 24 hours and put it down to being ‘just an off day’? We need to bear in mind that the day in question is a unique, one-off, never to be repeated opportunity. So let’s not simply consign that gift to the bin hoping that the next one is going to be better. Why not get on to the front foot (a cricket terms for my American friends) and try to pull the day around to our way of thinking?

'If you have a bad day in baseball, and start thinking about it, you will have 10 more'

Sammy Sosa

The easiest way of trying to break into a negative thought process is breaking the routine. This does not have to mean something that will really eat hugely into our time, especially if we are at work and things are weighing us down – it may only need the time it takes to have a coffee break. So instead of sighing, rocking back on our chair & wallowing in a hot drink:

a) Book something nice to do, a walk with friends, origami classes, a restaurant, a play, an art gallery…whatever we like doing. Do this not because it’s something to look forward to but because we will actually enjoy booking it.

b) E-mail a friend who perhaps we do not contact that regularly or ring or text an aged relative – just because we are having a bad day does not mean that we cannot make theirs. They’ll be delighted and it will rub off.

c) Go out of our way to be nice to a work colleague – again, someone we do not, ordinarily, have much contact with. They will respond and so will our mood.

d) We can make sure we are engaging in positive eye contact with those around us. We’ll have to concentrate more than usual to do this as we are not going to be in the best of moods but it will work.

Of course we have the voice in our ear telling us we do not have the time for any of this. The truth is that if we are having a bad day then we are going to be far more productive with our enthusiasm back on track – so a ‘time out’ will be time very well spent!

If all else fails then we can employ a ‘go-to setting’ that can help us back to a brighter outlook  - even on the darkest days – GRATITUDE. Write a gratitude list: 10 things for which, that day, we are truly grateful. I do not mean negative gratitude: ‘thank goodness that guy has been moved out of my office!’, but rather ‘I’m so grateful to have a good space within which to work’. But for it to work we have to do it like we mean it.

Turning around a tough day may not be easy but it can be done. Ultimately it’s how we think about things - how we react to events and people - that decides whether or not we are having a good day. The quality of our day is governed by what we choose to think about. On those days when our positive thinking may need a little kick-start, and we all get them, it’s up to us. We should bear in mind that when negativity seems to have the upper hand we can choose to inject some of the good stuff! Positivity is just as infectious so let’s catch some and make sure others do too!

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

ARE WE EVER REALLY IN CONTOL?

“The bird of paradise alights only on the hand that does not grasp”

John Berry

Whether applied in the home or the workplace how often do we hear the words: ‘I like to be in control’, or ‘I hate it when I'm not in control’, and even ‘I know I'm a control freak’? The desire to control others, be it for reasons of what we perceive as efficiency or even care & compassion, is a much frequented blind alley where many of us can find ourselves.

THE ILLUSION

We may ‘feel’ in control, especially when people are doing what we want or what we approve of, but we are fooling ourselves. The truth is, we are never in control of events, what people think or what people do - ever. To believe so is to live in an illusion. We cannot even control what children do and say, why else are they always being shouted at?

THE DAMAGE

To desire 'control' can have lasting damaging effects on ourselves and those around us:

1.     We are hankering after something we can never achieve, therefore we are wasting valuable mental energy.

2.     The desire for control has negative overtones and in the pursuit for happiness and harmony in our lives there is no place for negativity.

3.     Pressurising (aka bullying) our partners, friends or colleagues should not be mistaken for control as it never endures. It is simply negative influence, backed by fear, and masquerading as control.

4.     Will bullied employees be more or less productive than motivated ones? It is a common error to mistake it for strong management. 

5.     Will a 'controlling' relationship ultimately work in the truest sense?

6.     When we believe ourselves to be in control and things do not go our way we can easily become disappointed, frustrated & even angry. 

THE REALITY

It would be wrong, however, to assert there we have control over nothing in our lives. The fact is that there is one thing over which we have complete control (when we chose to exercise it) and that is control over what we are thinking. In this our control is complete & our responsibility absolute: no one can tell us what to think, what ever they may believe. But it’s ironic that the one thing in our lives over which can we actually claim full control is so often neglected either in part or, in some cases, completely abdicated. What we think governs our decisions and our decisions determine our lives – so the sooner we claim back control the better.

The greater our control of our thoughts & therefore our actions - the more we exude strength and positive energy. It is this that gives us influence on events and those around us. The positive reality of influence as opposed to the negative illusion of control can only fuel our success at work or at home.

"Self-disciplined begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do."

Napolean Hill

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan