THE POWER IN SHIFTING PERSPECTIVES

The nature of the questions I ask of myself and my life can condition the answers I receive which, in turn, may reinforce beliefs I already hold. What if, however, a particular belief is holding me back from advancing my personal development? If I care to look, the perspective of questions others may pose of me may often be far more illuminating in areas I did not think to explore.

We continually ask questions of our environment, our safety and ourselves, as it is essential to making the string of judgements required to function and survive in life. This is what kept us alive in the wild, and it is what we have to do constantly in order to make daily and life decisions.

The decisions we take and the choices we make are conditioned by the questions we pose. I refer to the subliminal minute by minute flow of 'what do I do next?' But what if the what we do next leads to choices and decisions to our detriment? I find it a useful and sometimes challenging exercise, to abandon my line of enquiry & follow instead a thread someone else puts forward - usually a friend or a colleague. This may often make me feel uncomfortable simply because I am taken out of my normal channels of thought and compelled to move in a direction that would not be my automatic choice given my own upbringing and conditioning. In fact, the more uncomfortable it becomes the greater the rewards can be. This is particularly true where I have previously met an obstacle  in my life that I seem to have difficulty overcoming. Simply put, if this way won't work then take a run at it from a different perspective. Alternatively, changing tack may serve a purpose If only to confirm that I was on the right line already - to discount an alternative route can help progress. At least I have travelled a different way for a short while and explored new possibilities.

There is always a way out of the maze: it is sometimes helpful simply to come to a problem or challenge from a slightly different direction in order to get a stalled situation on the move once again. While true and lasting change may not come easily, the journey can be exhilarating and liberating once the shackles of our own modes and conventions have been shed.

ARE YOU PURSUING YOUR OWN DEFINITION OF SUCCESS - OR SOMEONE ELSE'S?

Most entrepreneurs will be all too well aware of the pressures that go hand in glove with being self-employed. The pressure not only to succeed but also to be seen to be successful, is inherent within the very fabric of our society. 

We are taught to want to ‘succeed’ from a very early age, and once past infancy the forces at work, driving us forward: our parents; our teachers; and our friends, are almost irresistible. As a result we become conditioned with the need to compete. We may even have become conditioned to value our worth by what we believe the world thinks of us.



Many of us have thought or uttered the plea ‘stop the ride, I wanna get off!’ but seldom do we question that urge. What many of us do not appreciate is that we do not need to ask permission of a third party to stop the ride, in fact all the controls we require are under our direct control. 

This does not mean, necessarily, walking away from existing life styles, nor for abdicating responsibilities. Rather, it is a call for regular pauses, short periods of reflection to re-evaluate our understanding of our lives, our motivations and our emotions.

One way of doing this is by asking ourselves how we personally measure success & why? Our social and cultural conditioning measures success by whether or not we surpass those around us. We spend our time, therefore, making comparisons with our peers & competing on that basis. We often fail to explore what success really means to us. As a result we spend our time chasing goals reactively preset, that may have absolutely nothing to do with our innermost desires and core values. Only by matching our lives to those desires and values can we attain true success and fulfilment.

IF WE DO NOT TAKE PERSONAL OWNERSHIP OF OUR GOALS BUT INSTEAD ABSORB THOSE HANDED TO US - ULTIMATELY, THEY WILL NEVER STICK!

It is for all of us to challenge our own thinking and, possibly for the first time, take a serious look at what makes us tick as opposed to what convention dictates it should be. If we take the time to take a look, we may be pleasantly surprised.

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

WHY SO MANY OF US STRUGGLE TO MAINTAINING A HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE

"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken". 

Oscar Wilde

Our desire to be a different body shape to that we already possess is one of the obsessions of the age and most of us are subject to this at some time or other.

We all know what it takes to be in better shape and unless we are impeded by a medical condition we know that it could not be simpler: eat less and be more active. Anyone who has problems with yo-yo dieting and ‘workout phobia’, however, knows that it is clearly not that simple. If it were we would all be doing it instead of complaining about it. We want to improve our fitness, we know how to go about it and yet so many of us struggle - clearly there must be another dynamic involved.

The first place to look if we are struggling is to examine our motivation for wanting to diet/workout. If we are having difficulty we are most likely not doing it for the right reasons - we are not doing it for our reasons.  We may be pressured by: our perception of what other people think of us; how we believe we ‘should’ look; and trying to live up to the body image the media thrusts upon us (the main aim being to shame us into buying whatever they happen to be selling).

If we work at developing higher levels of personal awareness, we are able to bring into sharper focus our own emotions and motivations. This in turn will provide the lasting shift in thinking and therefore habits, that will make yoyo diets and wasted gym memberships a thing of the past.  In short, a well thought through healthy lifestyle program will focus on:

1. Helping to establish realistic goals that reflect innermost desires.

2. A step-by-step plan to achieve those goals.  

3. Clearing the mind through meditation so thoughts become less cluttered, allowing distractions to be observed, understood and more readily handled.

4. The removal of guilt, shame, and self-judgement for how we are at the moment - and the low self esteem issues that come with them. 

5. A positive attitude to a change in lifestyle and the acceptance of setbacks as a basis for continued forward momentum and not a reason for backsliding.

6. Accepting full ownership of the journey and ultimately of the success it will bring.

The success, or not, of a health & wellness programme has a great deal to do with our social conditioning and mental attitudes. If we are carrying burdens of, for example, unrealistic expectations, guilt, and shame – that is the weight loss we need to tackle first. By focusing on the inner challenges we face, as an integral part of healthy lifestyle goals, we can achieve a real and lasting change - the way we want it!

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

FAILING ISN'T FAILURE - QUITTING IS

'Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt'
William Shakespeare

Fear of failure is, more often than not, the fear of not measuring up to others, or of falling short of what we believe to be their expectations. Such anxiety does not originate from within us but is acquired over years of conditioning. The good news is that it can be identified, observed, & left far behind us.

Our desire for external appreciation, approval and esteem, can compel us to abandon our inner selves in the futile search for external affirmations of our worth. The desire to please others in order to feel of value becomes a need which can never be fulfilled and can distract us from focusing on our own potential and fulfilment. 

If, however, we can make positivity of outlook, goodness of intention, & compassion, our moment by moment priorities, the appreciation we once sought so desperately fades in importance & we no longer have that need to satisfy others. Instead we are warmed by a profound and internal sense of our inherent worth, our world, and our core values. With this comes an underlying strength and calm which gives out very positive energy to everyone we come into contact with.

Whatever we seek to achieve, we should allow ourselves the luxury of the compassion, the patience, and the common humanity we so easily afford to, for example, our close friends. We see our friends strive and fail and yet we are there supporting them all the way. Are we, ourselves, no less entitled to the same understanding? Once we have thrown off the shackles of fear lest we fail, we will meet challenges, be they in business or at home, with an enthusiasm that views errors and failure as merely signposts on the way to greater successes and achievement.