ACCEPTANCE: THE KEY TO A FRESH START

‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

the courage to change the things I can, 

and the wisdom to know the difference.’

Reinhold Niebuhr, 20th Century American Theologian

Whether working with private coaching clients or with business executives, in order to create momentum towards positive and lasting change, there is a crucial ingredient that must be present: ACCEPTANCE. 

This has nothing to do with striving for external approval but refers to accepting, without judgment, what has already taken place up to the present moment, and that the situation as it exists right now is what it is. This sounds rather obvious but on reflection it's a harder concept than one would suppose.

The past is not a matter of history but began a second ago: that moment, and all those that went before it are now gone. If we are really serious about wanting to affect real change it’s the ‘what happens now?’ that counts. The benefits of ‘what happens now?’ can be so much greater if we are not chained to issues from our past, be it recent or distant. It is just not possible to build positive change on negative foundations.  

This does not mean brushing aside the consequences of past actions or ignoring commitments and responsibilities. It signifies understanding more about ourselves; the events in our lives; and being able to view what has occurred in the past with calmness and wisdom. This puts us in a much stronger position when it comes to deciding on the most important thing - what happens now.

By dwelling in the past, we retain many negative emotions:

- irritation with things that may have been said
- regret at things not achieved
- frustrations and anger for opportunities missed
- destructive guilt and shame 

We shall not dwell on the importance of self-forgiveness here, as that subject alone requires a good deal of time. Suffice to say that any of these negative and destructive emotions can thwart the forward momentum we seek. Overcoming the inertia created by so much extra baggage can be daunting and can even put us off from setting out on a new journey altogether.

Once we are able to embrace acceptance, that’s when things start to get exciting. It is in that same moment, that very moment, that we can begin to effect change. The simple act of understanding our past is the first and most important step. We permit ourselves to think and act unfettered by yesterday's emotional baggage which in turn allows us to meet challenges with clarity - focusing on our hopes, our desires and our passions.

     We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called opportunity and it’s first chapter is today*

Edith Lovejoy Pierce, English Peace Activist & Poet

* I have taken a minor liberty – the original quote refers to New Years Day.

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

ALAN KEYSE
keysforliving.org
E-mail Alan