We are our own toughest
critics and there is nothing wrong with setting high standards for ourselves
and, by example, for others. If, however, the pressure we exert on ourselves is
relentless & our standards are unrealistic, it serves no useful purpose other
than being a latter day hair shirt.
We are not nearly so strict with our work
colleagues, friends or family. All I am asking is that we seek to remove that
extra special dose of pressure that we reserve for ourselves. Showing compassion to
ourselves will not happen overnight. Decades of social conditioning that has
taught us to 'push' ourselves will not just evaporate. So what basic elements
do we need to have in place to get us on our way?
FORGIVENESS
This is the first essential
ingredient for setting the past down and moving on. Through self-forgiveness we
develop that kindness that understands the times when we have made mistakes and
poor choices. It allows us to learn valuable lessons without the added burden
of continued recrimination.
NO LABELS
If a friend fails, we can
acknowledge they have failed but we do not label them a failure. How often are
we pitiless with ourselves in similar circumstances and reach for the branding
iron? Our innate sense of justice & fair play must ensure that we give to
ourselves a fair.
MOTIVATION
Observe well our motives
and if they are founded in right action - to the best of our abilities - how
can we be harsh with ourselves?
PATIENCE
It will not come overnight
so work at it patiently. Provided progress is being made it does not
necessarily have to be with giant steps. As in all personal development,
forward momentum is everything - speed is optional.
HONESTY
If we are honest about who we are and what we aspire to –
abandoning self criticism and judgment in favour of openness and seeing
ourselves as a deserving human being – internal kindness will not be hard
to come by.
Compassion is a gentle but
very powerful emotion and the process of opening our lives and our hearts to
self kindness is equally gentle. Compassion is there to be embraced, not
grasped. The more we sense the natural power of compassion, the easier and more
natural it will be to have it become part of how we perceive our world, how we
progress in our jobs, and how we live our lives.
Alan Keyse specialises in coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, managers and their staff – in groups or on a 1 to 1 basis. He also speaks and holds workshops encouraging the use of mindfulness principles in business.
Alan Keyse
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