INTRODUCTORY VIDEO - ONE TO ONE SESSIONS

This is the briefest of introductions to give a flavour of the way I work during face to face sessions with my clients. Please bear in mind that as well as in person I am also happy to conduct sessions online via Skype or Facetime.

During the coming months I look forward to adding more specific short videos focusing on particular aspects of my work such as: 

1. Emotional intelligence
2. Positive truth
3. Recognising negativity
4. Low self esteem
5. Stress/anxiety management
6. Conflict resolution

Alan Keyse

info@keysforliving.org
www,keysforliving.org

HOW CAN WE MANAGE EXPECTATIONS?

Expectation and disappointment are often two sides of the same coin but the experience between expectations in our businesses as opposed to our personal lives can be very different indeed.

BUSINESS vs PRIVATE EXPECATIONS

In business, we actively invite positive expectations from our clients and customers as a crucial part of our marketing strategy. Of course this ramps up our responsibility to ‘deliver’ but at the same time increases our appeal to new and existing business. The main motivation driving the expectation is a successful and satisfying business experience. Trust and belief will also be important elements, especially in longer standing business relationships, but these expectations follow a very different dynamic to that in our personal lives: here, with colleagues, friends and family the emphases of expectations can take on completely different dimensions.

In our private lives, we can often impose our expectations uninvited. This can make both us and the other person hostages to disappointment and can be inherently risky:

THE RISKS OF EXPECTATIONS

1. We invest our high hopes and trust in an individual or a group.
2. We transfer to them the responsibility of being custodian of those hopes. Once hope, trust and, sometimes, even love are put into the same mix we can understand just how potent this cocktail can be. Once bestowed we have absolutely no control over what the other person is going to do with it.
3. So exposed, we often deny the other person the right to fail which, of course, is unrealistic given the element of humanity.
4. With this potentially potent and unstable formula in place, if people fail to live up to our expectations, the effects on us can be dramatic - far more than if we are disappointed in business. Like anything else we perch high on a pedestal, if they ‘fail us’ there is only one direction they can go.

IT’S NOT ALL BAD NEWS

There is, however, another dimension to personal expectations. The American engineer Charles Kettering wrote “High achievement takes place in the framework of high expectation” which, if true, would indicate that it’s not all bad news. Living up to the expectations of others can make us feel good about ourselves and can spur us on to tapping into potential we did not realise we possessed.

It is here that we can follow the example we set in our businesses as how to best manage expectations. Good businesses do it successfully all the time – in fact, they thrive on it. Good communication lies at the heart of successful management and this could not be more essential than in managing expectations:

THE ROUTE TO MANAGING EXPECTATIONS

1. If we are proactive in communicating both good and bad news, this will alleviate any confusion over expectations which are notoriously subjective.
2. Being aware of and observing our expectations can better help us to manage our reaction in the event they are not met. Let us try to be selective and ensure our expectations are in proportion.
3. Realistic expectations mean achievability – but deciding what is achievable requires a detached objectivity: a challenge in itself.
4. Expectations are subjective and given that none of us are mind readers the more we know about what the other party has on their mind the better.
5. Both parties need to be clear on what is reasonable to expect, what is manageable. Being direct and transparent is as every bit as important at home as it is at work.
6. Establish a mutual respect necessary to ensure openness. Being a "yes man or woman" will never add to the clarity of any situation. 
7. Active listening is one of the most misunderstood and least used tools in managing expectations and yet it is one of the most effective tools we possess.
8. Dialogue must be regular  – it’s better to speak up early on if we feel we have a problem with our expectations rather than delay and have to deal with a full blown crisis.

We all understand the human emotional dimension of not having our expectations met or of failing to meet those of others. These experiences are, at best, uncomfortable. But we can overcome the challenge by a regular flow of information, in both directions, to ensure that we give ourselves the very best chance of keeping ourselves, and those around us, off the pedestal.

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

THE 'POSITIVE TRUTH' WORKSHOP - Sunday 16 June 2013

A day long event on Sunday 16 June 2013 (9am-5pm) Taking place at Loudwater Farm, Loudwater Lane, Rickmansworth, Herts WD3 4HG http://www.loudwaterfarm.co.uk/


This is a workshop developing the themes of recognising daily & casual negativity; personal gratitude; the power of positivity & 'positive truth'. The workshop culminates in the formation of tangible personal affirmations & inspirational goals. 

We shall also be looking at the value of mindful awareness on our daily lives, mindful movement, & a 'beginners guide' to practical meditation. 

WORKSHOP TIMETABLE

09.00             ARRIVAL & REFRESHMENTS

09.20             INTRODUCTION
Run through the day’s schedule - Introduce those involved in the day’s event.Smaller groups will be organised as we shall be moving between the general gathering and smaller more personal groups all day.

09.45             POSITIVITY
What is meant by positivity
Negativity: It’s nature, effects, and identification. Measures to overcome

10.30             MINDFULNESS 
What is it?
The practice of mindful awareness.
The benefits

11.00            MID MORNING BREAK

11.20            GRATITUDE
Group Activity:
POSITIVE EVENT from the past week
The GRATITUDE LIST
Group discussion

12.00             MINDFUL MOVEMENT
Halina Rosentrauch  of Yoga Tree www.yogatree.org  will introduce and them conduct a session of ‘mindful movement.

12.45              LUNCH
Anna Corless from Anna’s Kitchen www.annaskitchen.info will be providing a fork buffet of two main vegetarian courses, rice, & three salads plus refreshments – full details will follow

13.50             TIBETAN BOWLS
Steve Carter www.primalsound.co.uk will be playing his Tibetan (singing) bowls in session that will offer AMAZING relaxation. He will take us through their origins & their use, & will follow with a Q & A session.

  

14.30             AFFIRMATIONS
What are they and do they have a value part to play in positivity attitudes and change?
Group activity:
An affirmation bath (no water involved!)
Discussions within groups

15.15             AFTERNOON BREAK

15.35             POSITIVE TRUTHS
Explaining positive truths
Group activity:
The 10 positive truths
Read aloud (if desired)
Personal affirmations - the use of personal positive truths as affirmations

16.15            YOUR OWN PERSONAL VISION – GOAL SETTING
Positivity is a marvellous state of mind but it now needs to be harnessed and the best way to do this is in forming personal goals. This will be done in groups.

17.00             FINISH

COST & TERMS

The cost for the whole day is £68.00 per person which includes all activities, refreshments and lunch.

A £10 deposit is payable to reserve a place with the balance payable 15 days prior to the event.

Concessions are available where appropriate for those on pensions, not in full-time employment, and students – Please do not hesitate to ask.

Alan Keyse
www.keysforliving.org
Introductory Video

CAN WE TURN AN 'OFF' DAY 'ON'?

We are exhorted by personal development professionals, including me, to have a positive outlook, to remain optimistic, and to eradicate negative thinking. But let’s face it, these are tough economic times and there can be days when we struggle a bit, when we feel out of sorts, under pressure, or when we are just having a low energy day.

So what can we do? Do we write off 24 hours and put it down to being ‘just an off day’? We need to bear in mind that the day in question is a unique, one-off, never to be repeated opportunity. So let’s not simply consign that gift to the bin hoping that the next one is going to be better. Why not get on to the front foot (a cricket terms for my American friends) and try to pull the day around to our way of thinking?

'If you have a bad day in baseball, and start thinking about it, you will have 10 more'

Sammy Sosa

The easiest way of trying to break into a negative thought process is breaking the routine. This does not have to mean something that will really eat hugely into our time, especially if we are at work and things are weighing us down – it may only need the time it takes to have a coffee break. So instead of sighing, rocking back on our chair & wallowing in a hot drink:

a) Book something nice to do, a walk with friends, origami classes, a restaurant, a play, an art gallery…whatever we like doing. Do this not because it’s something to look forward to but because we will actually enjoy booking it.

b) E-mail a friend who perhaps we do not contact that regularly or ring or text an aged relative – just because we are having a bad day does not mean that we cannot make theirs. They’ll be delighted and it will rub off.

c) Go out of our way to be nice to a work colleague – again, someone we do not, ordinarily, have much contact with. They will respond and so will our mood.

d) We can make sure we are engaging in positive eye contact with those around us. We’ll have to concentrate more than usual to do this as we are not going to be in the best of moods but it will work.

Of course we have the voice in our ear telling us we do not have the time for any of this. The truth is that if we are having a bad day then we are going to be far more productive with our enthusiasm back on track – so a ‘time out’ will be time very well spent!

If all else fails then we can employ a ‘go-to setting’ that can help us back to a brighter outlook  - even on the darkest days – GRATITUDE. Write a gratitude list: 10 things for which, that day, we are truly grateful. I do not mean negative gratitude: ‘thank goodness that guy has been moved out of my office!’, but rather ‘I’m so grateful to have a good space within which to work’. But for it to work we have to do it like we mean it.

Turning around a tough day may not be easy but it can be done. Ultimately it’s how we think about things - how we react to events and people - that decides whether or not we are having a good day. The quality of our day is governed by what we choose to think about. On those days when our positive thinking may need a little kick-start, and we all get them, it’s up to us. We should bear in mind that when negativity seems to have the upper hand we can choose to inject some of the good stuff! Positivity is just as infectious so let’s catch some and make sure others do too!

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

ARE WE EVER REALLY IN CONTOL?

“The bird of paradise alights only on the hand that does not grasp”

John Berry

Whether applied in the home or the workplace how often do we hear the words: ‘I like to be in control’, or ‘I hate it when I'm not in control’, and even ‘I know I'm a control freak’? The desire to control others, be it for reasons of what we perceive as efficiency or even care & compassion, is a much frequented blind alley where many of us can find ourselves.

THE ILLUSION

We may ‘feel’ in control, especially when people are doing what we want or what we approve of, but we are fooling ourselves. The truth is, we are never in control of events, what people think or what people do - ever. To believe so is to live in an illusion. We cannot even control what children do and say, why else are they always being shouted at?

THE DAMAGE

To desire 'control' can have lasting damaging effects on ourselves and those around us:

1.     We are hankering after something we can never achieve, therefore we are wasting valuable mental energy.

2.     The desire for control has negative overtones and in the pursuit for happiness and harmony in our lives there is no place for negativity.

3.     Pressurising (aka bullying) our partners, friends or colleagues should not be mistaken for control as it never endures. It is simply negative influence, backed by fear, and masquerading as control.

4.     Will bullied employees be more or less productive than motivated ones? It is a common error to mistake it for strong management. 

5.     Will a 'controlling' relationship ultimately work in the truest sense?

6.     When we believe ourselves to be in control and things do not go our way we can easily become disappointed, frustrated & even angry. 

THE REALITY

It would be wrong, however, to assert there we have control over nothing in our lives. The fact is that there is one thing over which we have complete control (when we chose to exercise it) and that is control over what we are thinking. In this our control is complete & our responsibility absolute: no one can tell us what to think, what ever they may believe. But it’s ironic that the one thing in our lives over which can we actually claim full control is so often neglected either in part or, in some cases, completely abdicated. What we think governs our decisions and our decisions determine our lives – so the sooner we claim back control the better.

The greater our control of our thoughts & therefore our actions - the more we exude strength and positive energy. It is this that gives us influence on events and those around us. The positive reality of influence as opposed to the negative illusion of control can only fuel our success at work or at home.

"Self-disciplined begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do."

Napolean Hill

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

DO YOU REALLY NEED THE PRESSURE OF A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?

Yes, it’s that time again – so who’s thinking of making a New Year’s resolution?

A New Year’s resolution is creating an expectation – and expectations can make us hostages to disappointment (please see the item from earlier this year How Can We Manage Expectations?). Of course, resolutions can be a source of fun for the New Year, but many of us make them, and we mean business. But do we really need that kind of pressure? So many of us are setting ourselves up for a fall.

A resolution hangs over us like CCTV with teeth, and it is going to hurt because the majority of us will not fulfil those contracts so fervently undertaken at the beginning of January. The main problem is that we often find ourselves adhering to an agenda set by the marketing/media colossus the sole aim of which is to shame us into investing in something to make us into someone else, and they are very good at it. 


So, is there a lasting alternative to the New Year ‘stick up’?

How about this year making a ‘New Day’s Resolution’? I am talking about a small change, or small changes, every day. No whistles and bells required; no dramatic gestures; no unrealistic promises to break. Small steps towards a larger goal that has to be realistic, challenging, and mid term (3-6 months max).

To help maintain the small daily resolutions, keep in mind some classic, almost unfashionable, factors that need to be in place:

PATIENCE
It’s almost a dirty word nowadays, but harness it’s potential and you can be unstoppable. The ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu is attributed as saying ‘A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step’. A personal development journey is no different and begins and continues one step at a time. 

MOMENTUM
Do not let up. This does not mean setting off like a bull out of a gate – it is about setting your own pace for change & then not stopping for anything or anyone.

ACCEPTANCE
A vital element in building a non-judgmental today is learning to accept that what has happened up to this moment has already happened: it's gone and there is nothing we can do about yesterday. Anything other than acceptance is futile and a distraction. The crucial thing is that what happens next is entirely up to you. That is, no guilt or personal recrimination for the current situation, just acceptance and, at the same instance, the realisation that life change can begin this instant.

PLAN IT

Real lasting change, and that’s what we’re talking about with a resolution, it a serious business – so it needs to be planned. Once planned, it needs to be backed up a commitment to see it through.

The decision to make a real lasting change in your life is the first very important step. Understanding that real and lasting development can begin right now, one step at a time - measured, gradual, but at the same time focused and relentless – this season it is a great gift we can give ourselves.

All it takes is one step ....... so, fancy going for a walk?

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan

ENHANCING SELF BELIEF

Belief is the key to my work as a coach whether I am working with someone regarding their home life or their business.



The belief to which I refer is not that associated with faith (an area that receives my full respect but is not what I intend to discuss here), but instead is concerned with belief as it applies to facts, to reality & to objective judgment. So let me highlight what it is we need to believe in order to take control of our lives:

BELIEF IN THE POWER OF POSITIVITY…

We can all agree that allowing negative thoughts and actions to preoccupy us contributes nothing towards positive change in our lives. If, on the other hand, we recognise the positivity that already exists for us, there will be a change in our thinking & that can only have a beneficial effect.

BELIEF IN OUR POTENTIAL…

We need to recognise, acknowledge & connect with our strengths - we all have them - the stuff we are good at. At this point, if we can hear a voice saying ‘I’m no good at anything’ then that is a clue that we’re allowing negativity to run the show – & with predictable results. The truth is that by the time we reach maturity we already possess everything we need to achieve our own fulfilment.

BELIEF IN OUR CIRCLE…

Lets make sure that we are surrounded by people who are truly in our corner, and who bring positive energy with them. The power of intention - our will to make things happen - is a matter of fact and it works so much better the more of us there are all wanting the same thing.

BELIEF THAT IT’S OUR DECISION…

Of course, we are not in control of what others think and do but we are totally responsible for our own thoughts and behaviour and, importantly, our reactions to actions and events. It’s our choice to turn off the autopilot & once we take ownership of what happens next it gives us much more clarity as to the choices we have to make.

This all leads to one thing: BELIEF IN OURSELVES….

This is what it all boils down to. We can set our goals and formulate our plans but the engine room is to be found in believing in ourselves. Once we back our abilities, once we create an environment where our strengths can be enhanced by drive and optimism, there’s nothing that can stand in our way.

"If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves".  

Thomas Alva Edison

Alan Keyse is a fully qualified Business and Life Coach who now applies his 30 years of experience as a sales executive to coaching Emotional Intelligence to business leaders, executives, managers and their staff either in one-to-one sessions, in groups, or speaking to larger audiences. 

Alan Keyse

keysforliving.org

email Alan